There are a million and one reasons as to why my mind should be completely & utterly boggled, but truly I tell you, it’s not. In a matter of just one week, my sense of security and sureness was stripped from me, yet I remain joyful. But it was not this simple at first.

At first it was weeping. A lot of weeping. It was confusion. It was questioning God. It was questioning myself. It was becoming terrified of being alone.

These feelings left a bitter taste in my mouth. I knew why, too. I knew that throughout that state of sadness, God was jealous. He was jealous for me to give my attention to Him, and He made that very clear. He needed me to hear Him, so He spoke.

“Oh daughter, listen to me.”

“This is teaching you.”

“This is molding you.”

“Trust me.”

My Jesus knows me. He knows He made me stubborn & headstrong. He knew that I was hurt, and He knew I did not want to listen. So, He let me hurt. But not alone. He placed friends to keep me upright. To be my saving graces in that moment. And most importantly, to use these friends as a reminder of the love He has for me.

Because of that love, I was able to break through that wall of stubbornness and start seeking Him, so here’s what I was taught-

You are allowed to dream. You are allowed to think about the future. You are allowed to have plans. However, friends, you have to know that the Lord has a will for you, and His will is not your will. And with that, You are allowed disagree. You are allowed to question Him. You are allowed to hurt. Were human. Those emotions are appropriate because they’re a response to your circumstances, however, at some point within that storm of emotions, you need to accept that His will won’t change just because you are hurting. So, now, I was waiting to see what was next in His will for me.

Joy is different. Joy is a choice; joy is a perspective. It is not an emotion. If you know Christ, you can experience joy regardless of your circumstances. This is not me saying that your emotions are invalid, but we don’t have to give them power over our perception. Joy can accompany any emotion because it is an attitude secured in sovereignty.

 Joy is experienced when we understand our circumstances within the realm of truth. Now that we’ve been adopted into faith &
are no longer slaves to our flesh, we can stand firm in the truth and ask, “What does truth say about what I’m currently feeling and thinking?” If our thoughts or emotions are contrary to the truth of God’s nature and His promises, then we make the choice to not entertain it. We reject anything that doesn’t edify our spirit.

So friends I urge you, listen attentively to hear what it is God has for you. Within that waiting, choose joy. Don’t let our hearts grow discontent within that waiting period. Know that while you don’t entirely understand what God is doing now, He will show you later, and you will be glad you handled the uncertainty with grace & dignity.

So now, while I still hurt, I am allowing God to do new things. I am taking His hand and asking Him “whats next?” And I am so so excited to see what that is, for His glory.