You know the days where you just can’t feel God’s presence? How about when it’s been weeks and that feeling of His presence is so distant from you that it makes you almost rethink this whole faith thing? Well hey, you and I are currently in the same boat, and it’s not too fun. But guess what, just because you can’t quite feel Him too intimately at the moment, does not mean He is not there. Sure, it doesn’t feel too great, but thank the Lord (literally) that feelings do not define who God is. Our faith is not defined by our emotions. Yes, our emotions play a role in our faith, but they sure as heck do not define it. If we think God’s presence in our lives is dependent on how we are currently feeling, we are going to begin twisting who God truly is. Just because He feels absent to us, does not mean He is absent. Think about it, what is it to have a faith that is based solely off of our emotions? Where is the hope in that?

Joshua 1:9 says: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Oh my goodness, how beautiful is that? And what a reminder of God’s presence in our lives. There are a hundred more examples in scripture of God’s everlasting, and omniscient role in our lives, and I cannot believe that for a second, I would allow myself to doubt God’s character, just based off my emotions. I am so grateful to serve a God that is constant and unchanging, even through my ever-so-changing heart. What a righteous God we serve.

and allow me to remind + reassure you of how truly loved you are by the one true King.

‘Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.‘

— John Piper

Here I am again with about 100 other homework assignments I should be getting done, however, the Lord is putting it on my heart to share some things He has taught me in the past week, so, here we are.

Suffering in inevitable. This week has been so full of suffering, and it’s been hard, but ya know what, I kind of asked for it. Actually, I did ask for it.

I have been in a weird spot for the past month. I have become completely numb to things that should naturally hurt me & I would much rather hurt than feel numb. After a lot of prayer and deep thought, I realized that I have been suppressing feelings so deep down for years & years that I have basically tricked myself into thinking that I am so much more better off than I truly am. I have come to the conclusion that I am a mess. Let’s face it, were all messes (and can I just give a quick shoutout to Jesus for loving us in our mess). It hit me that I had been dressing myself up into some well put together person who can deal with her problems on her own. Yeah, don’t do that. The thing is, I can not do this thing called life on my own, and truthfully, neither can you. Jesus is here to scoop us up in our brokenness and love us through it. He is here in the suffering. He is here. 

Let me just say, do not ask the Lord to do something in your life unless you are really prepared for Him to move, and move in ways you don’t expect. I asked the Lord to really make me vulnerable with Him, to let me be real with myself and with Him. I knew I wasn’t prepared for what He was gonna do, but it is because of Him that I was able to get through it with strength & courage.

The Lord began bringing up things in my mind that I had not dealt with in years, some were things I never even allowed myself to deal with.  They were so far pushed down that I lost sight of them. I began seeing how they were affecting me then, and are even affecting me today with my relationships with others and with the Lord.

It was heavy. It was emotional. It was draining.

It was suffering. 

This is suffering that I had not yet truly experienced. It was a lot of tears being cried, a lot of confusing and emotional conversations being had, a lot of tough questions being asked, and a lot of bitterness being brought out, and then pushed away.

As awful as it all felt, I have never experienced Jesus so fully + intimately. He was there, telling me that He knows, He understands, and He loves me. He was there with me in my mess, reaching out His hand to pull me out of it. He was allowing me to finally truly come to terms with my past and forgive people that needed forgiving.

He was showing me what all He has taught me. I am thankful for the suffering, because I was able to really experience God’s unexplainable comfort. It is so overwhelming to try to grasp the fullness of His love. My heart is in the hands of my Creator, and so is yours. Give Him your fears, your insecurities, your regrets, and your anxieties. Give Him your brokenness. He already knows you. He knows every hair on your head, wrinkle on your face, thought in your head, and need in your heart. Give it all to Him. Praise Him in your suffering. I promise you He will show you a love that you can’t find anywhere else.

I want to share a couple of verses from 1 Peter with you that I pray will encourage you.

When Jesus returns, we will all be singing “Holy holy holy, is the Lord God Almighty, the whole earth is filled with His glory” whether we like it or not. So I want to remind you that as Christ followers, no matter what you’re going through, I hope that you are comforted by the truth of when Jesus returns, we can all be rejoicing with him, knowing that we did not conform to the trials and tribulations of this earth, but whole-heartedly trusted and served the Holy one, whom our hearts adore.